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As noted in a previous entry, I have asked God for reprieve from further writing beyond December 31st…
People from all over the world come to this site and have followed my journey this past two years, so, it is necessary to share why I am closing down the shop.
But, first, let me share the history of Twisted Christian Ministries: Experts in denial demolition and spiritual reconstruction of the American church and home.
After spending 20 years speaking out to the masses about the affliction of alcoholism/addiction, violence, eating disorders, (and self-destructive self-loathing), I retired to write and speak full-time.
That was two years ago.
Despite my firm belief that teaching via speaking is my number one gift, I felt I was to begin a new ministry with writing first in order to create a base in which I could begin to speak a message to God’s kids. I was sick and tired of watching America’s kids fracture all around me in the tidal wave of apathy and depravity, and I believed it was my purpose in life to reach as many of God’s kids as possible with a message of with eyes on God.
I also wanted to stand up and shout back at the popular cultural elitists, the greedy, wanton media, the screwball politicians, and the church leaders.
I believe we reap what we sow, and that we have sowed a helluva lot of spiritual ectoplasm that is invading our homes, schools, churches, community, and country.
And, as is my style: I do not hold myself in any less accountability than anyone else.
Ministry goal: I wanted to stop the tide of fracturing by shouting back at the silence around me.
My goal was to reach the isolated, the suffering, the lost, and the asleep at the wheel folk.
I wanted to take the principles of recovery, I had been teaching for two decades, and combine them with a specific faith-based honest portrayal of I figured 20 years was ‘enough’ in a field that has a fairly low recovery rate; particularly, if you specialize in the treatment of methamphetamine and oxycontin addiction in adolescents as I did. I wanted to specifically identify my ‘higher-power’ as God/Jesus, and express a message that discussed personal, community, and global current events from the perspective of a mother who happened to be in recovery, happened to work with the fractured children of God, and happened to have a conservative ideology.
I am fairly certain that I have a unique perspective to offer. Let’s face it: I have over two-decades recovery from addiction, and recovery from a ravaging eating disorder. This green-eyed gal has survived daunting violence, physical affliction, and jaw-dropping tragedy. I am the most non-conforming conformist I know…someone who believes in the traditional values our forefathers instilled all while utilizing a progressive approach known as say-it-like-it-is with gut-wrenchingly honest, self-deprecating twisted humor and a huge, gigantic bucketload of care and compassion. Oh, but the lessons must be founded on the principles of choices & consequences. (Believe me, I know that my ‘progressive’ approach is ‘archaic’ to liberals and ‘common sense’ to conservatives).
I am a rarity in the social services field: a no-nonsense advocate of 12-step programs, who happens to identify her higher power as God/Jesus.
Oh, and, I love to use lyrical irony to enunciate the lunacy of fallible humans…especially my own.
I have desired to be a missionary since I was a child.
But, I have never wanted to leave my country to reach the suffering as I firmly believe that God has burdened me with an uncanny understanding of what is taking place in the United States of America with regards to spiritual, cultural, and political malfeasance.
I have always felt the need to be a missionary, in my own country, because I believe if the USA goes down…the world goes down. And, personally, the children in my own country are fracturing so hard, and in such a synergistic manner, that I just know, in my heart of hearts, that the result will be the decimation of the greatest nation on Earth if the bloodletting is not halted.
In other words, I wanted to launch myself into a ministry that most people avoid: busting down the denial regarding the corruption and depravity engulfing our nation utilizing a bizarre approach: God.
So, I retired.
And, I wrote and planned a new way of living.
I launched myself wholeheartedly into a new way of living all while living the worst sort of nightmare a mother could live. The impending loss of my own flesh and blood served a greater purpose for Twisted Christian Ministries. In a twisted sort of way, the worst tragedy brought out the greatest of lessons to share.
Then, unexpectedly & shockingly, an absolute life-changing tsunami hit my home in a monumental moment of betrayal and deception….the same month my book was released.
OF COURSE
As a result of secrets/lies/betrayal, I was forced to enact a new plan of action.
A plan that put the ministry on the back burner while I found a new way to survive and take care of my son.
I went back to school full-time because I had been financially devastated. (Boy, is that an understatement)
Then I entered a new field of work, (because darn it, I am finished working in addiction 
)
I moved my son and I to a safe location.
All while trying to find time to write as God has asked.
The ministry had to go undercover and underwraps because I could no longer risk being outed as a conservative Christian in a profession and community filled with uber liberals who believe my ideology is evil and dangerous.
How incredibly sad & telling is that statement?
As a result of having been betrayed in a fashion that makes That Wily Devil look like A Good Guy, I placed a firm boundary on who I shared my writing with…for the first time, Lynn Suzanne was truly going to protect herself. My writing is so incredibly personal it allows for intense vulnerability, and I don’t feel I need to discuss it, share it, or demonstrate it to others unless I feel safe. Particularly, since the tsunami that destroyed my home invaded me at every level…especially, in the area of my writing.
Completely and totally safe.
That is what I need to feel.
I don’t mind having to work incredibly hard in a new profession…it is an amazing new field I entered. It is a joy to work where I work. I am grateful to have a good job during these deplorable, worrisome economic times.
But, don’t think for a minute that I feel as though I am where I belong or doing what I am supposed to be doing.
I am doing what all single mothers do when the rug is pulled out from under their feet:
I am doing what I have to do to survive.
And
I am exhausted just like the millions of others who are surviving.
Every moment of every day, I feel a sense of angst and loss that I am not living my purpose…this means that when I am not writing, I feel like I am letting God down.
I am allowing the fracturing of God’s kids to continue.
Trust me, when you know something and don’t share it..it isn’t a great feeling.
But, there are only so may hours in a day.
And, I have hit my maximum.
There is only so much one green-eyed gal can do.
So, I have prayed for God to release me from my knowledge and my burden…for now. I have requested 2009 be a year of healing without drama or angst.
Two years ago, my family was living the loss of a child.
Eighteen months ago, a man shaking hands with evil tried to destroy my family.
Today, I am back on my feet with a new resolve.
2009: The Year of Healing resulting in Peace & Joy for the Green-Eyed Girl
I want to be left in peace, left alone, and left to my journey with God so I can heal.
Then, when I have had sufficient respite, when God brings me a supportive network who will help me with the enormity this ministry brings (emotionally, financially, spiritually, and physically), I will write and speak again.
If you have read my writing from the beginning, and if you have read my book, then, you know I believe in patterns and parallels. So, it is fitting that two years ago I was facing the loss of my child … at the beginning of the ministry.
And, today, two years later as I close down the ministry, I find myself answering that dreaded phone call again.
Today, I will publish some excerpts from my book that express what it is like to be a mother grieving the loss of a child. Then, I hope to say goodbye-for-now to you.
Blessings,
Lynn Suzanne
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