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(This article was originally published on 16AUG)
ne of the hardest things for a Christian husband is how to deal with the wife that demands for a divorce. You agree to go to counseling and each session is an exercise in the counselor listening to her, while giving you the look like you evil man, how could you be so insensitive? Or perhaps, she just calls your family and friends and tells that you have abandoned her emotionally. Or maybe, as you lay in bed, she describes how one night while you are sleeping, she’ll put a gun to your had and off you. Perhaps, in your case, it is more subtle. But in any case, when she asks for a divorce, what are you to think? How do you act? What about the Biblical injunction against taking Believers to court?
t seems that the entire variety of advice is out there. She asked for it, now she’s going to get what she wants? seems to be a common response. Your friends tell you to let her go. Your pastors, well that’s another story. Your family, well, you will quickly find out what your status with them is. It is amazing how many men’s families side with the wife in divorces. Then there are the people who suggest that you should die in the process of pleasing your wife, after all, didn’t Our Lord die for the Church?
ltimately, the decision is yours in most cases (though in some states, either party can file) and whether you go along or fight it is your decision. I guess perhaps that best thing that I can write is that you cannot fight for what is not there. There seems to be a great deal of magical thinking that is imposed upon men in these situations, either by others or from themselves. Maybe this is one way of looking at it. Are we so powerful that in spite of another’s will, somehow through our actions we can change our wife? Just how egoistic is it for us to believe this? Are we magicians?
fter some honest, prayerful reflection, can you say that you did the best that you knew how to in order to modify your own actions and try to love your wife as you know that the Spirit leads you to? Did you really focus on your own issues and modify the associated behaviors that negatively effected your relationship with your wife? Did you fast and pray about the situation and ask the Lord for insight and wisdom? If you can truly say that you did this and that there was no change in your wife’s attitude and actions, perhaps the problem is not you but your wife’s.
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Father in heaven, give each of us insight, wisdom, and strength to do what is right in our marriages or divorce if that is necessary. You know our hearts and You knew us before we were made. Help us to show Your Love in our actions. Amen.
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