Pew Widow

My Top 3

Slang seriously cracks me up. I love it when British people say “Crikey!” and “fancy that!” and “bother!” I love it when teens say “busted!” and “mos def!” and “tope!” And so I sort have this soft spot in my heart for dorky Christian slang.

I bust out laughing when Christians say someone is “missionary dating.” And it cracks me up when we say “h - e - double hockey sticks.” But one of my absolute favorite Christian slang terms is: . A pew widow is someone who must sit alone every Sunday as the rest of her family sleeps in/watches the Cartoon Network/goes fishing etc.

I’ve only ever heard it used by a woman in jest, like, “Oh Tom’s going to the ballgame and making me a pew widow again.” But as funny as it is that we have a term for this, I, for one, cannot stand being a pew widow. In fact, I have an absolute fear of attending church by myself.

In general I’m a very friendly lass who does virtually nothing alone. I’m the sort of person you can call up at the last moment and I will always, always say yes. I’m a rabble-rouser to the core and I love nothing more than to be surrounded by a nice gaggle of friends. Big parties? My bag, baby!

And so it was that as this weekend approached I grew more and more nervous. All my friends were attending the BlogHer conference in San Francisco and tied up. My fiance was out of town. And my closest church friend is currently spending her summer in the wilds of Minnesota. In short, every day I inched closer to Sunday, the picture of me sitting all alone in a pew became clearer and clearer.

I got cold feet. I just couldn’t do it. I know that church is about community, but my community had bailed on me. And sure I could have used today as an opportunity to make new friends but I…flinched in the face of the challenge.

As it turns out my church offers live webcasts and even podcasts of every sermon! I get that these are intended for shut-ins, but it was awfully nice given my bout of extreme paranoia. Here’s how to get them yourself, if you’re interested. It’s very easy and of course 100% free.

Am I the only person with this fear? I tell you what, it reminded me to be a little friendlier during the passing of the peace portion of the service. Sometimes, just getting there and making it through can be the hardest part of all.

–May