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So Yahoo 360 is still alive. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Frankly, I’m glad the community continues to thrive despite the service not being fixed or upgraded. Strangely enough, my own page is still seeing a lot of friends requests. No doubt there are so many more people searching for answers…searching to find themselves.
Kinda like I still am, even after over a year on hormones. But I know I’m on the right path. And I think all my friends know that I’m on the right path too.
I haven’t had a chance to really keep up with much online as of late. Work keeps me busy from 7 a.m. until around 6 or 7 in the evening, and by the time I get home and get the kids ready for bed…there’s very little time left.
But even then I’ve got to continue to deal with where my relationship is going with the wife.
This week she was feeling down, and I didn’t know how to respond. I certainly didn’t want to drag out her feelings before she had processed them. She finally opened up last night.
In our discussion she acknowledged that she knows I’m going through a difficult time and that I want to go full time. She said that she knows I say that this is ME and not who I’ve been as *my male name*. She was trying to convey that the masculine side of me has always been there and was hoping that I could come to that understanding myself. She then told me that she was researching medical reports that physical attraction can change after hormone replacement therapy. I responded that she might not understand this,but I consider myself a lesbian, especially in my attraction to her. I finally got it though - it all revolves around her feeling like our relationship is growing apart, and that my affection towards her may be going somewhere else.
She also mentioned how she has very little of the masculine side of me left…I think she’s seeing the end of the line for *my male name (again)* and it’s really hurting her. I told her that I have done my best to not force any issues or make her feel like she has to accept everything all at once. I also said that I was sorry for causing her pain. The largest reason for me feeling guilty was because of the impact and toll it has had on her tender spirit. I reiterated my commitment to her and I think she was relieved to hear that. I told her that even though I have my personal doubts if our relationship can survive this, I have to continue to keep my faith in God that it is somehow in his will and purpose that we go through this, and that there is assuredly some sort of blessing that will come out of this.
I just know that these kind of talks with my wife are essential if we are to continue to work through all these things without becoming embittered. No matter how painful it is or becomes, we understand we’re not TRYING to cause each other pain. But the talks are necessary nonetheless.
When she heard me tell her of my affection and love towards her, she embraced me as I lay on the bed. Placing one leg over mine, she held me tight.
Yeah, I’m heading in the right direction. I think we both know that. I can only hope that we are a couple who can survive transition and retain the same passion for life that we had together as husband and wife.
Frankly, I have my critics. I understand why. I am not trying to deceive myself, but at the same time, I’m not giving up hope.
Yeah, I’m definitely on the right path.
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